"Thank the Pain"
23rd June 2006, Cape Town SA
Destiny escaped me,
led me blind
then raped me,
but with her blows
in sweat and tears
she bathed me,
so pain could lead me back to me,
forgive me, bless me and baptise me.
29TH MARCH 2009, London, Ru s place
At the beginning of the future
It s all too bright and blurry
Too ill defined and sketchy
Too ad hoc for a story
At the end of the future
You look back and see clearly
Successes, fuckups, structures
Your patterns and your glories
If only you could get there
Get somewhere, anywhere really
But you’re always in the middle
Of your accidental stories
Sometimes something seems haphazard
Mask within them
Your glance lights structure
In my chaos
In my tempest,
Your smile shooting stars my darkness
And sparks spring in the winters of my soul.
Folly of youth
And unbridled decadence,
Illusion of innocence,
Wisdom crashing waves
Control and quivers my caves,
Sparks of sunset firefly glory
Murmur and hum behind our story,
Leave me be, forget me, take me,
Set me free, seduce me, bait me,
Wind me up
Tie me down,
Hold me down, push me round,
Make me beg then put me down,
Look at me
Look at me
Look at me
Exquisite pain as skin meets sin,
Let the decadence begin...
"The Deliciously Thorny Orchard Of
Dancing sunlight blinding divine,
Dwelling dallying, basking sublime,
Lost logic lights sparkling trees,
Delightful debauchery, despicable tease;
Wandering masochist writhing with ease,
Enjoying my agony for all to see -
Fantasy, fool that she be,
Belies, denies melancholy -
Lolloping beaming labyrinth laughing
Delirious daemon drags me chanting
Hopping singing skipping blindly
Stumbling graceful bold and merry
Discovering candidly meekly freely
Exploring ignoring adoring discreetly
Twists and turns whose secrets sew shrewdly
Shadows and hollows and pools of pure beauty
Dawn there and dusk there and all of eternity,
Hand in hand devouring completely,
The deliciously thorny orchard
of our impossibility.
"I Steal Your Thorn"
I steal your thorn
To spear myself,
Pick poison pill,
And yet inexorably
Beg and borrow,
Seek your lips
And find tomorrow
This thorn I'll borrow,
Grieve and wallow.
"Delusions of Decisions"
Leaving this labyrinth without so much as peek
Lacking both courage and inclination to speak
No melancholy stare in your direction
No mediocre mood nor sombre reflection
In fact, indeed, a sense quite free
A sense so sunny, actually, and light
So bright as to practically graze delight
Though in its seed perhaps sleeps fright
Fear, maybe, lonely, really?
Or possibly just a labyrinth so tiny
As to fit quite neatly in the palm of your hand
A maze so mesmerizing as to spin right there
In the blink of your eye as I struggle to stand
So maybe yes, no, definitely maybe,
I leave this labyrinth feeling tiny
But leave I must to maintain my dignity
With delusions of decisions that were clearly
made for me.
Leave? Ha, yeah, really?
Only as long as I close my eyes do I see clearly.
"Seeds of Rain"
November 2005, Ladbroke Grove, London
With seeds of rain,
We storm toward maybe
In colour, on time,
Before love spins over
Or I write the last word,
Every separate whisper
I live to learn.
With invisible ink
Our truth writes echoes
Where meaning shifts
And love judges language,
In a thousand pieces
She skips round reality,
In a lonely straight line
As you listen intently,
To sound spinning backwards
And time leaping up,
As she leaves the door open
But forgets to get up.
Offbeat and snowy I lay
Wrinkled up like Christmas Day
Alone and soft
Torn and lost
And cultivating rust
My reflection stares blankly
Behind my disdain
July 1999, Providenciales, Turks and Caicos Islands, British West Indies
F is for Freedom and also Forget
U is for Under and over your head
C is for Calm and Clarity too
K is for Knowing and not Knowing too
I is for I, I declare myself free
T is for to, To fuck it and Be.
"Water Me a While Longer"
Water me a while longer
To see if I can grow,
Nourish me with your devotion,
Fill me with your glow.
Let me look at my reflection
So bright in your mind,
Let me live in the illusion
I've no flaws to find.
Wrap me up in your esteem
If only one more time,
Let me feel the plump completeness
Of knowing you are mine
The present drips into the past
Dribbling streaks of blood
Tainting yesterday and losing tomorrow
But making the pill easier to swallow.
June 2003,Santa Getrudis,Ibiza, Balearic Islands
Velvet smiles bristle with light,
Wetly tasting life's delights,
Licking their lips they embrace temptation,
No longer sins but sweet satisfaction.
Laughter loosens the binds of shame,
Washes it off like autumn rain,
Naked, elated, we dance off our chains,
Mindfully oblivious to ubiquitous pain.
Afraid to fall beyond the void
Of words lost and forgotten
My pen slides forth into my soul
In search of dawn that's golden
Imbued with light
And filled with gold
I let myself be taken
Through dark of night
Beyond my sight
To stillness that was stolen.
Morro de Sao Paolo, Bahia, Brasil
Of numbers and notions,
With view of your hollow,
The empty sickness,
The way you see me,
One sided circus
With me in the middle,
I am the lion
I am the clown
I am the walrus
The dog and his crown,
I'm trapeze twisting somersault cannonball dance,
I am blue but you see brown,
I am music yet you see sound,
A stagnant pond beyond evolution,
A naughty child, a cheat, a liar;
What you don't see, I still see clearly,
I don't need your eyes to see me.
Life is full of fucking surprises,
Tears of the wind sing scattered praise,
Prisms of colour dress desolate days,
Their tones' intensity a gift of rain.
Reckless winds now lull my senses,
Memories diluted in joyful madness,
Bring me my heartbreak,
Bring me my chains,
Love this sweet is worth the pain.
"The Larder of my Nostalgia"
September 2005, London
Readying to let you go
Preserving nights in airtight jars,
Filing joys and labelling scars,
Storing smells to ache forever
In the larder of my nostalgia.